Loneliness Gets Me in Trouble

I feel so bad right now. I’m not sure if sleep deprivation is finally getting to me or if it’s the position I’m lying in on the ground, which is making it hard to breath, or if it’s too hot in here (my sensory issues make it hard to gauge temperature, so I don’t know […]

I’m Worthless in Other’s Eyes

I’m worthless in other’s eyes. Plus the fact that I can barely afford to do anything with my life makes me even more worthless. I have to remind myself of this to remember why it is that I have no will to do much of anything or try anything anymore. Why it’s so hard to […]

Therapy actually left me uplifted

I know the positive feeling won’t last. Getting encouragement in life apparently makes a big difference in me, and it makes me realize that it’s something I haven’t gotten much of in my life. Of course, my family never encouraged me in anything (unless they were encouraging me to do something they wanted). And I […]

Why turning to a schizoid for emotional support hurts more than anything and is a big mistake

Turn to a schizoid about anything bothering you and he’ll act like it’s some weird thing, like you’ve got some special issues. He doesn’t understand that that’s how normal people are. Somehow, after all these years of living life, it never occurred to him that the majority of people are like that. The majority of […]

Why I Hate Life

Life mostly consists of activities that I hate, such as: Reading Talking to myself/having no one to talk to Being on the computer (I hate most computer activities) Eating alone Obnoxious noise from the highway or household appliances Random pains in my body Having no one to really celebrate holidays with Trying to listen to […]

New Year’s Eve. I’ve Learned How to Not Celebrate. Any Holiday.

After not being able to celebrate most holidays for several years, I’ve learned to accept not having anything to look forward to and to no memories being made. For better or worse, I am one with the nothingness. The silence. The deadness. I have become accustomed to it to where I don’t dread it or […]

Still Don’t Know Why I Live

Why would anyone want to be alive? I’m not sure. Why do anything when everything you do leads nowhere? The only time anything feels like it leads somewhere is if someone else was there to witness it. I’m not sure if that’s just because of something wrong with me, like my derealization disorder (nothing feels […]

Powerlessness and Resignation

“It’s not that bad. What can you expect out of life anyway? Not that much. And everyone’s in pain, sick, miserable, etc. You’re just having such high expectations out of life. No one really lives these days anyway. You’re lucky compared to others, blah blah, blah.” These are often the thoughts in my head. But […]

Who We Are, What We Are

Sometimes, I feel like a rock in the vast, empty desert. But unfortunately, I’m a rock that can feel and be aware. I am aware that there’s nothing living in sight. I feel the vast emptiness around me. I am aware that I am a rock. Just a quiet thing that blends in with the […]

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I […]

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