I Don’t Want to Relive My Life

Me: “I don’t want to reexperience this.” Therapist: “Once you process it in therapy it’s never going to happen again.” Okay, the conversation actually went a little different than that, and I’m still not sure what she really meant or was trying to say. So I just paraphrased what I thought she was saying. Anyway, […]

No one ever cares about the chronically ill

My body was failing me, and I ended up living with the relative of a friend. I kept thinking I could make it work, that I could get a job, but my body and brain were failing me. For no apparent reason, she kicked me out. She claimed the only reason she let me live […]

Powerlessness and Resignation

“It’s not that bad. What can you expect out of life anyway? Not that much. And everyone’s in pain, sick, miserable, etc. You’re just having such high expectations out of life. No one really lives these days anyway. You’re lucky compared to others, blah blah, blah.” These are often the thoughts in my head. But […]

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I […]

When I get “depressed”

Turns out I’ve been using the word depressed wrong. I say I’m depressed when I feel overpowered or overwhelmed. When things are unsettled in my life and I’m unsure of how they’ll turn out. Or when it feels like things are headed nowhere. Or when I’m just anxious for something of substance to happen. It’s […]

Happiness, from an exhausted person’s perspective

Right now, I feel even too exhausted to write this. Feels like I’m at the last stretch of a marathon and having to use a lot of energy to put one foot in front of the other. But really, I’m trying so hard to use my brain to think of words and to hold my […]

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