New Year’s Eve. I’ve Learned How to Not Celebrate. Any Holiday.

After not being able to celebrate most holidays for several years, I’ve learned to accept not having anything to look forward to and to no memories being made. For better or worse, I am one with the nothingness. The silence. The deadness. I have become accustomed to it to where I don’t dread it or […]

Still Don’t Know Why I Live

Why would anyone want to be alive? I’m not sure. Why do anything when everything you do leads nowhere? The only time anything feels like it leads somewhere is if someone else was there to witness it. I’m not sure if that’s just because of something wrong with me, like my derealization disorder (nothing feels […]

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I […]

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