Bad Therapists

I can’t help it. I’m fed up with bad therapists. Irritated. Maybe my period is getting closer because my annoyance grows as I get closer to my period. But in reality, it’s always annoying. I just have more patience than most people the rest of the month. I stuff it and stuff it until my …

The Nothingness Is Creeping Back & Why I Write This Blog

I just recoverd from a groggy, out-of-it feeling last night. I felt great last night! I got some mental clarity even though I was still having frequent memory lapses. My body finally lightened up after recovering with food and time out of the house. Yeah, being able to go to the grocery store can be …

A Weird Brand of Depression

I tried some Bach Rescue Pastilles and started feeling more optimistic and less lethargic. Coincidence? I first started feeling really heavy and lethargic when I got on the computer this morning. I opened the window to let in some fresh air which barely helped. I took the medical cab to an appointment and noticed I …

Powerlessness and Resignation

“It’s not that bad. What can you expect out of life anyway? Not that much. And everyone’s in pain, sick, miserable, etc. You’re just having such high expectations out of life. No one really lives these days anyway. You’re lucky compared to others, blah blah, blah.” These are often the thoughts in my head. But …

Who We Are, What We Are

Sometimes, I feel like a rock in the vast, empty desert. But unfortunately, I’m a rock that can feel and be aware. I am aware that there’s nothing living in sight. I feel the vast emptiness around me. I am aware that I am a rock. Just a quiet thing that blends in with the …

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I …

When People Tell You You Have No Right to Complain

I don’t know how dumb a person has to be to think that they can assume what it’s like to be another person. If a person says something like, “I’m sorry, but other people have it worse. You have no right to complain,” to someone they don’t know then they either have brain damage, have …

Still Can’t See a Point to Being Alive for People Who Don’t Get to Feel Alive

I can pet cats. That’s nice. I can watch youtube videos of animals or babies. That’s nice. It’s okay, really. It’s okay. It’s comforting when you’re sick or in pain or your nervous system won’t behave. So, you’re comforted. Now what? Sleep is also comforting. The absence of living, waking life is comforting. So what? …

Who Would I Be If It Weren’t for Illness

I feel like there is so much I wish I could do with my life if I had the time, energy and resources. (Time, energy and resources that have been consumed by illness.) I say things to myself sometimes like, illness made me who I am. Illness taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I’m …

We’re Not Allowed to Feel

But we are allowed to be distracted. I couldn’t stay awake any longer. My body collapsed and I fell into a deep long sleep. I unfortunately woke up to the him coming home, paying no heed to me and exiting the room. A feeling of dread like a dark cloud came over me and enveloped …

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started