Still Looking for Something

Such a confusing day. I thought my brain was working but I guess it wasn’t. (That may sound odd, but it happens to me a lot. It isn’t till my brain starts working that I realize something was off.) It wasn’t till the night that things seemed to be running smoothly. I hate that the …

Lack of Fulfillment Is the Theme of My Life

I had a satisfying therapy session today but every other area of my life has no resolution. I’m tempted to write about the other areas of my life because I can’t get it off my mind, but I want to get therapy out of the way first. This is a new therapist. I did not …

I Got Slimed By My Therapist

ShudderI’m too tired to write about this right now, but if I let fatigue get in the way of doing things, I wouldn’t get anywhere in life.Here it goes. I spent a therapy session Tuesday explaining how my relationship with my pseudo-brother and caretaker came to be as well as hinting at some of the …

Abuse, Isolation and Helplessness

Things just hit me after a recent sexual assault. (Something that is a common occurrence for me due to the circumstances surrounding my life.) I keep feeling like I’m holding my breath and not breathing at all. I think I know how to interpret these feelings, but, honestly, I get my emotions and bodily sensations …

New Year’s Eve. I’ve Learned How to Not Celebrate. Any Holiday.

After not being able to celebrate most holidays for several years, I’ve learned to accept not having anything to look forward to and to no memories being made. For better or worse, I am one with the nothingness. The silence. The deadness. I have become accustomed to it to where I don’t dread it or …

When People Tell You You Have No Right to Complain

I don’t know how dumb a person has to be to think that they can assume what it’s like to be another person. If a person says something like, “I’m sorry, but other people have it worse. You have no right to complain,” to someone they don’t know then they either have brain damage, have …

Who Would I Be If It Weren’t for Illness

I feel like there is so much I wish I could do with my life if I had the time, energy and resources. (Time, energy and resources that have been consumed by illness.) I say things to myself sometimes like, illness made me who I am. Illness taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I’m …

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