Lack of Fulfillment Is the Theme of My Life

I had a satisfying therapy session today but every other area of my life has no resolution. I’m tempted to write about the other areas of my life because I can’t get it off my mind, but I want to get therapy out of the way first. This is a new therapist. I did not …

The Harshness of Life

I was reading someone’s story: Living With Ehler Danlos is Hell. I had so many thoughts while reading their story. I wanted to try to write about it here to get some clarity on my life, but it is also the middle of the night! But my life has no sense of direction or meaning …

What Do People Want Out of Life?

I just saw a video from 1949 video called How to Be Well Groomed on Youtube. I only watched the beginning and got somewhat of an idea of what it was about. I think it’s nice that people spend so much time on every little detail of their physical appearance. I think people must have …

How Abusing the Body Destroys the Brain

I just talked to a doctor about a recent brain scan, and it confirmed the symptoms I’ve been having. (In reality, it’s a lot of symptoms I’ve been in denial of having. I keep saying to myself, “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m able to function well enough. Everyones’ brains are slow these days anyway– I’m …

A Weird Brand of Depression

I tried some Bach Rescue Pastilles and started feeling more optimistic and less lethargic. Coincidence? I first started feeling really heavy and lethargic when I got on the computer this morning. I opened the window to let in some fresh air which barely helped. I took the medical cab to an appointment and noticed I …

Doing Much Better Today

I’m trying to transition from writing privately about my days to writing publicly. The problem is that, if I write publicly, I have to figure out how to explain what I’m dealing with to any random person that might try to read this post and try to comprehend what’s going on. Which makes things so …

Struggling Through a Therapy Intake

Wow. I didn’t expect it to feel so hard to do a therapy intake. Things were okay at first, but then my therapist wanted to know what happened during the past ten years of my life. A lot happened, and it’s hard to explain. Hard to explain partly because I don’t really know what happened. …

I Got Slimed By My Therapist

ShudderI’m too tired to write about this right now, but if I let fatigue get in the way of doing things, I wouldn’t get anywhere in life.Here it goes. I spent a therapy session Tuesday explaining how my relationship with my pseudo-brother and caretaker came to be as well as hinting at some of the …

People Made Sure I Knew That I am Worthless and My Life Doesn’t Matter

People act like they’re against death. Unless it’s my death. In that case, they couldn’t care less what happened to me. I’m not saying this because I imagine people don’t care about me, but because they straight said it to me. (Eg. “I’m only helping you out because of this other person I care about.” …

What Negation Does to You

Note: I’m referring to the negation of self that happens when one is abused, invalidated or deals with lack of money and resources, illness or other issues that lead to loss of rights and freedoms. You have no sense of direction. You think of cleaning your room or house, but why do it? Why pack, …

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