I want to scream but I won’t be heard. No one hears me. I desperately want to be heard. I come to this blog, in an attempt to get my voice out. But I know no one will hear me. It almost makes me feel worse. If nothing else, it kills the passion in me …

Bad Therapists

I can’t help it. I’m fed up with bad therapists. Irritated. Maybe my period is getting closer because my annoyance grows as I get closer to my period. But in reality, it’s always annoying. I just have more patience than most people the rest of the month. I stuff it and stuff it until my …

Still Looking for Something

Such a confusing day. I thought my brain was working but I guess it wasn’t. (That may sound odd, but it happens to me a lot. It isn’t till my brain starts working that I realize something was off.) It wasn’t till the night that things seemed to be running smoothly. I hate that the …

The Nothingness Is Creeping Back & Why I Write This Blog

I just recoverd from a groggy, out-of-it feeling last night. I felt great last night! I got some mental clarity even though I was still having frequent memory lapses. My body finally lightened up after recovering with food and time out of the house. Yeah, being able to go to the grocery store can be …

How Abusing the Body Destroys the Brain

I just talked to a doctor about a recent brain scan, and it confirmed the symptoms I’ve been having. (In reality, it’s a lot of symptoms I’ve been in denial of having. I keep saying to myself, “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m able to function well enough. Everyones’ brains are slow these days anyway– I’m …

A Weird Brand of Depression

I tried some Bach Rescue Pastilles and started feeling more optimistic and less lethargic. Coincidence? I first started feeling really heavy and lethargic when I got on the computer this morning. I opened the window to let in some fresh air which barely helped. I took the medical cab to an appointment and noticed I …

Doing Much Better Today

I’m trying to transition from writing privately about my days to writing publicly. The problem is that, if I write publicly, I have to figure out how to explain what I’m dealing with to any random person that might try to read this post and try to comprehend what’s going on. Which makes things so …

Struggling Through a Therapy Intake

Wow. I didn’t expect it to feel so hard to do a therapy intake. Things were okay at first, but then my therapist wanted to know what happened during the past ten years of my life. A lot happened, and it’s hard to explain. Hard to explain partly because I don’t really know what happened. …

Why I Hate Life

Life mostly consists of activities that I hate, such as: Reading Talking to myself/having no one to talk to Being on the computer (I hate most computer activities) Eating alone Obnoxious noise from the highway or household appliances Random pains in my body Having no one to really celebrate holidays with Trying to listen to …

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I …

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