I Don’t Want to Relive My Life

Me: “I don’t want to reexperience this.” Therapist: “Once you process it in therapy it’s never going to happen again.” Okay, the conversation actually went a little different than that, and I’m still not sure what she really meant or was trying to say. So I just paraphrased what I thought she was saying. Anyway, […]

Why turning to a schizoid for emotional support hurts more than anything and is a big mistake

Turn to a schizoid about anything bothering you and he’ll act like it’s some weird thing, like you’ve got some special issues. He doesn’t understand that that’s how normal people are. Somehow, after all these years of living life, it never occurred to him that the majority of people are like that. The majority of […]

The desperate search for peace and comfort

My whole life is a desperate search for comfort. Or, in other words, a desperate attempt to escape pain and discomfort. I just really need metal. Hard, aggressive insane metal. I don’t think listening to metal would be a need if I could find peace. I don’t know why metal is so comforting. I don’t […]

Therapy — The Never-Ending Fail

It sucks to have a counselor who doesn’t understand disabling chronic illness or neurological illness. Am I the only chronic who struggles with therapy? It sucks to have a counselor who doesn’t understand multicultural issues. Or narcissistic personality disorder. Or chronic depersonalization and derealization disorder. I know it’s hard to find a counselor who specializes […]

Still Don’t Know Why I Live

Why would anyone want to be alive? I’m not sure. Why do anything when everything you do leads nowhere? The only time anything feels like it leads somewhere is if someone else was there to witness it. I’m not sure if that’s just because of something wrong with me, like my derealization disorder (nothing feels […]

Today’s a Good Day

Those were my thoughts a couple hours ago. Things were working relatively smoothly in my body. I felt great. I was feeling optimistic about recovery from my illness and bodily dysfunction. That I could just feel good. That things could be okay. I still feel okay now after a few hours, although not as great […]

Powerlessness and Resignation

“It’s not that bad. What can you expect out of life anyway? Not that much. And everyone’s in pain, sick, miserable, etc. You’re just having such high expectations out of life. No one really lives these days anyway. You’re lucky compared to others, blah blah, blah.” These are often the thoughts in my head. But […]

Who We Are, What We Are

Sometimes, I feel like a rock in the vast, empty desert. But unfortunately, I’m a rock that can feel and be aware. I am aware that there’s nothing living in sight. I feel the vast emptiness around me. I am aware that I am a rock. Just a quiet thing that blends in with the […]

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I […]

When People Tell You You Have No Right to Complain

I don’t know how dumb a person has to be to think that they can assume what it’s like to be another person. If a person says something like, “I’m sorry, but other people have it worse. You have no right to complain,” to someone they don’t know then they either have brain damage, have […]

Create your website at WordPress.com
Get started