Still Can’t See a Point to Being Alive for People Who Don’t Get to Feel Alive

I can pet cats. That’s nice. I can watch youtube videos of animals or babies. That’s nice. It’s okay, really. It’s okay. It’s comforting when you’re sick or in pain or your nervous system won’t behave. So, you’re comforted. Now what? Sleep is also comforting. The absence of living, waking life is comforting. So what? […]

Who Would I Be If It Weren’t for Illness

I feel like there is so much I wish I could do with my life if I had the time, energy and resources. (Time, energy and resources that have been consumed by illness.) I say things to myself sometimes like, illness made me who I am. Illness taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I’m […]

We’re Not Allowed to Feel

But we are allowed to be distracted. I couldn’t stay awake any longer. My body collapsed and I fell into a deep long sleep. I unfortunately woke up to the him coming home, paying no heed to me and exiting the room. A feeling of dread like a dark cloud came over me and enveloped […]

Too Empty to Go to Sleep

My mind is a blank slate. Okay, it’ just blank. Empty. Life is empty. I borderline can’t see the point of writing this, but I’ve felt a little rewarded from writing in the past, so I still feel encouraged to write right now. Anyway, the point of this is that I feel empty. And this […]

When I get “depressed”

Turns out I’ve been using the word depressed wrong. I say I’m depressed when I feel overpowered or overwhelmed. When things are unsettled in my life and I’m unsure of how they’ll turn out. Or when it feels like things are headed nowhere. Or when I’m just anxious for something of substance to happen. It’s […]

Happiness, from an exhausted person’s perspective

Right now, I feel even too exhausted to write this. Feels like I’m at the last stretch of a marathon and having to use a lot of energy to put one foot in front of the other. But really, I’m trying so hard to use my brain to think of words and to hold my […]

Goals in Life

Feel Okay (no nagging pains and discomfort that keep me from being able to focus on accomplishing much) Feel Good (not just okay, but able to actually feeling something positive beyond just lacking the bad things) Be Able to Handle a Job (without being miserable or finding it impossible to maintain any sense of well-being. […]

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