Why I Hate Life

Life mostly consists of activities that I hate, such as: Reading Talking to myself/having no one to talk to Being on the computer (I hate most computer activities) Eating alone Obnoxious noise from the highway or household appliances Random pains in my body Having no one to really celebrate holidays with Trying to listen to […]

Exhausted of Life.

I’m tired. In multiple sense of the word “tired”. I feel exhausted. The pain and discomfort in my body is probably the main source of that. I’m hoping I’ll feel less physically exhausted when I give my body some self-care. I’m mentally exhausted. I can tell my brain’s starting to go offline a little. Trying […]

Therapy — The Never-Ending Fail

It sucks to have a counselor who doesn’t understand disabling chronic illness or neurological illness. Am I the only chronic who struggles with therapy? It sucks to have a counselor who doesn’t understand multicultural issues. Or narcissistic personality disorder. Or chronic depersonalization and derealization disorder. I know it’s hard to find a counselor who specializes […]

New Year’s Eve. I’ve Learned How to Not Celebrate. Any Holiday.

After not being able to celebrate most holidays for several years, I’ve learned to accept not having anything to look forward to and to no memories being made. For better or worse, I am one with the nothingness. The silence. The deadness. I have become accustomed to it to where I don’t dread it or […]

Still Don’t Know Why I Live

Why would anyone want to be alive? I’m not sure. Why do anything when everything you do leads nowhere? The only time anything feels like it leads somewhere is if someone else was there to witness it. I’m not sure if that’s just because of something wrong with me, like my derealization disorder (nothing feels […]

Today’s a Good Day

Those were my thoughts a couple hours ago. Things were working relatively smoothly in my body. I felt great. I was feeling optimistic about recovery from my illness and bodily dysfunction. That I could just feel good. That things could be okay. I still feel okay now after a few hours, although not as great […]

Powerlessness and Resignation

“It’s not that bad. What can you expect out of life anyway? Not that much. And everyone’s in pain, sick, miserable, etc. You’re just having such high expectations out of life. No one really lives these days anyway. You’re lucky compared to others, blah blah, blah.” These are often the thoughts in my head. But […]

Who We Are, What We Are

Sometimes, I feel like a rock in the vast, empty desert. But unfortunately, I’m a rock that can feel and be aware. I am aware that there’s nothing living in sight. I feel the vast emptiness around me. I am aware that I am a rock. Just a quiet thing that blends in with the […]

If I Was Pretty

I didn’t used to see the point of appearances. I never thought too hard about what I looked like. I just lived my life. But after getting used to a life of near-isolation for several years, the concept feels different to me. I kind of wish I was pretty. I mean, I always wish I […]

When People Tell You You Have No Right to Complain

I don’t know how dumb a person has to be to think that they can assume what it’s like to be another person. If a person says something like, “I’m sorry, but other people have it worse. You have no right to complain,” to someone they don’t know then they either have brain damage, have […]

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