I Want a Hug. I’m Just a Whipping Boy, But It Hurts To Much.

I don’t know how I’ll ever escape the rut I’m in. Poverty and isolation isn’t as fun as people want you to believe. Minimum wage doesn’t pay rent. Or transportation. I go to work, get yelled at, come back to a quiet lonely life. I feel depleted because my body is still weak and I …

Not Avoiding Life == Unhappiness

I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard today, but I think it’s because I’m not avoiding life. What is hitting me so hard today? I just really wish I was dead. I want it badly right now in a way I haven’t wanted it in a while. And I think usually I …

What Did I Do Today? What Do I Do Any Day?

It’s noon. I’ve been way too exhausted and sleep caught up with me. I slept the whole morning. I know I’ve been feeling off lately and going to bed later than usual hasn’t been helping. I still feel a little tired. The good news is that I feel more centered and less-scattered brain, confused, lost …

I want to scream but I won’t be heard. No one hears me. I desperately want to be heard. I come to this blog, in an attempt to get my voice out. But I know no one will hear me. It almost makes me feel worse. If nothing else, it kills the passion in me …

Bad Therapists

I can’t help it. I’m fed up with bad therapists. Irritated. Maybe my period is getting closer because my annoyance grows as I get closer to my period. But in reality, it’s always annoying. I just have more patience than most people the rest of the month. I stuff it and stuff it until my …

My Day Feels Blissful

I managed to do something that helped with the general sense of dullness that I feel. I get so used to feeling dull that I don’t notice it anymore and start to blame my sense of nothingness on other things. Well, today, I did a couple things that seemed to cause a shift in my …

Still Looking for Something

Such a confusing day. I thought my brain was working but I guess it wasn’t. (That may sound odd, but it happens to me a lot. It isn’t till my brain starts working that I realize something was off.) It wasn’t till the night that things seemed to be running smoothly. I hate that the …

Lack of Fulfillment Is the Theme of My Life

I had a satisfying therapy session today but every other area of my life has no resolution. I’m tempted to write about the other areas of my life because I can’t get it off my mind, but I want to get therapy out of the way first. This is a new therapist. I did not …

Fake Concern – It Hurts

I got people from the gang of narcissists and flying monkeys asking how I’m doing. Of course my first thought is, “Oh, it’s nice that that someone cares about me.” My next thought is, “Oh wait, they’re just playing me. I shouldn’t respond to this.” Then, “But I feel bad not to respond. What should …

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