Why I Hate Life

Life mostly consists of activities that I hate, such as:

  • Reading
  • Talking to myself/having no one to talk to
  • Being on the computer (I hate most computer activities)
  • Eating alone
  • Obnoxious noise from the highway or household appliances
  • Random pains in my body
  • Having no one to really celebrate holidays with
  • Trying to listen to music to get something to be excited about since I can’t go out and have fun
  • Thinking there should be more I can do with life but never being able to figure out how
  • More body aches and pain
  • More endless days of white noise and highway noise with no living person in sight
  • Lots of wondering what I’m alive for
  • Lots of things I could do that would get me out of this mess but not being able to afford it
  • Waking up confused, but not in a pleasant “high” way but rather with a sense like I’m not completely awake and part of my brain is gone
  • Finding it harder and harder every day to motivate myself to do unpleasant tasks with the minuscule hope it will get me somewhere
  • Thinking I should reach out for help but then realizing I’ll get slapped in the face
  • Being aware there is no compassion
  • Realizing I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life but realizing I probably will have to
  • Deluded people that think that attracted to them

Really, it’s hard to explain why I hate it all so much. It’s like having food shoved down our throat that tastes bad, day in and day out, all day long. And, on occasion, you’re allowed to eat something good, but it doesn’t give you much reprieve from the bad.

Published by illnessislife

Sick of being so sick I can't live life. But it's been so long like this that I accept it. Illness is life. I have no other life.

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